thanks for all the good comments,
it's sometimes just really hard to find a way to work on her health and let her make her own choices (her own choice is walking with a hollow back and her hind legs somewhere following without carrying) so there's always thins thought about 'let her walk properly 'cause otherwise she won't be able to do more then just walk slowly next year.
It's hard when you are used to a horse where the learning possibilities are endless. Ruphina can learn a lot, but because of her back and legs won't be able to do everything. So there are some limitations. Sometimes hard to say to yourself "but come one, she is healthy and happy". If we get her back properly and her legs working alright we will be able to go on rides outside, but no deep sand for us and no races for us anymore, something we loved was racing through the dunes, but not anymore. We miss it both, but try new things.
Happy and healthy and pressure free. That's our goal.
But there are some exercises that have to been, luckily she loves stretching and moving hind legs and sideways, so the weight shifting is starting and we are training her hind legs, which are getting better. I think we don't use that much pressure, a small amount. First to let her trot around (she would rather stay with me), coming towards me is just a very clear cue. She likes staying with me in the midst of the circle. Right now we compromised, she has to do the circle (which she likes to put her energy into...) we do small pieces, never more then 3 circles and with a lot of transitions and then she comes towards me and we play a bit, afterwards she trots a bit.
And she started her gallop, which she first only did after heavy running after her and chasing her, right now she likes to get into it.
She is getting to know that working like this can actually be fun. We feel we're on the right path right now. I'm not frustrated anymore about her walking perfectly and she walks perfectly because I'm not frustrated and over asking her anymore. So she is starting to relax and she learns that being polite will help the whole play thing. While I'm learning to listen and reward a lot and letting things take their own course.
I suppose both of us are learning skills we could use so much more often (I'm sometimes a bit of a control-freak) in life outside the horses (is there life any besides horses and education?)
To me it's just a very good beginning.