Heppa,
First, there is no set right and wrong, no rigid rules on how you MUST work with your horses. The idea that is supported here is that the needs of the horse come first, and bitless is promoted, but again, it is not dictated. You are free to choose for your horses.
The main theme here is that we are all on a learning journey. We are all open to learning from all sources, good or bad. And the primary teacher for all of us is the horse itself. There is no better authority!
The idea is that you listen to the horse. You are observant and you watch for signs and signals from the horse that he/she is being stressed or upset and you try to determine the source of the discomfort. You also watch for signs of composure and "happiness" from the horse and take clues from that as well.
That is why we all do it a little differently...because we all interpret what our horses are saying to us in different ways. We look at ears, swishing tails, does the horse leave us? Does the horse seem eager to engage with us?
Yesterday, as I approached the mounting block with Tam, he shook his head. When I got on the mounting block, he walked away. Couldn't get much clearer than that, could he?
Then I have to figure out why. He was farting a lot, so it's possible he wasn't feeling well. He has also lately been shaking his ears...so I know something is going on (going to get it checked out)and it's possible that the headstall alone felt uncomfortable for him.
At any rate...it's an example of "listening" of feeling confident in knowing when something is right, or when it's not.
Then...on to "motivation". Food is fine, or whatever your horse finds enjoyable. Some use pressure/release as part of the interaction. Some pressure is unavoidable. Any request is a form of pressure. The idea is to keep the pressure as light as possible so the horse never feels uncomfortable with the amount of pressure used, and it should never escalate to a level where pain is felt. I say "should never", not as a rule, but as a philosphy. Does that make sense?
And we all condition responses in the horses. Primarily by rewarding what we like to see.
If food is not what you want to use, then experiment with other means...a good scratch, a kind word..whatever your horse finds motivating. Experiment and play.
Part of using pressure/release even within AND is that you use the slightest pressure, and you reward for a smaller response. That way, a response can quickly grow to a larger response. The key, always, is in rewarding the smallest try. That "try" may be the wrong the response, but it
IS a response, and by rewarding the horse for it, you are acknowledging that the horse is trying to seek out the answer you want. Or perhaps you take his answer as it is (if it wasn't what you thought it should have been or wanted) and then register it in your mind that a particular touch or body language signal from you, results in the that particular response from the horse. You can use praise or reward to help solidfy that response so it becomes more and more consistent.
SO you may stand beside your horse and simply touch lightly, with some intent in your mind, and jsut see what the response is. If you like the response, reward it so that the horse will remember the praise and perhaps offer that response again.
Does this help?
You are always free to choose what is right for you, and what you feel is right for your horses.
There are no "interdicts" here!