Josepha and everyone else who is interested in this topic,
after reading your post I was very touched by the memories you shared of that very special dog in your life and what he taught you. I have rehabilitated many aggressive and fearful dogs that had learned that people can not be trusted. Some of them took a long time to trust my touch or to make themselves emotionally vulnerable again, one of them still lives with us and is very trusting with us after several years but not with strangers except children. Some were so dangerous in their fear of people that the only thing that could be done was to end their life kindly and painlessly. These were very difficult decisions and I remember many of these dogs and still get frustrated and angry about why they had been hurt so much. I also did a lot more thinking about dominance/submission, leading/following and how it is perceived among people here and in the dog training community that I know. I still have a lot of questions about this concerning horses and hope to take the time to observe herd behavior at a friend's boarding stable this spring where horses are pastured 24/7 in a fairly large social group (about 15). To help myself ask the right questions I realized that it might be important, at least for me, to look more closely at some definitions. I've been wondering in reading some posts on this forum if we actually differ in our perception of horse or dog behavior or if we interpret what we see differently or if we just use different words. Also, I've thought about what the connection is between how we see animals interact with each other and how that translates into our relating with them.
At the risk of repeating some of the things said elsewhere (in some posts I might have read but can't find anymore) I'll try to look at these questions separately first.
To me dominance is distinctly different from aggression. When I hear the word dominance I think of high rank, being in a position of great influence on others and not being controlled by others. This influence can be the result of greater size or physical ability, greater intelligence, greater emotional stability or greater desire or interest in something. I believe aggression is something that might be expressed by a dominant animal but then I would think that there is a lot of aggressive individuals that are not dominant and fear-aggression and predatory aggression is, at least in dogs, much more common than dominance aggression.
Dominance and leadership are to me two different things as well, although there are many similarities. In dogs, I have seen many individuals of Northern breeds (Husky, Malamute, etc.) that I would describe as dominant, meaning that they will not submit to other dogs (allow touch, move out of the way, give up food) but they also have no interest in being pack leaders because they prefer solitude and independence. Then there are a lot of dogs that are dominant in that they enjoy control over other pack members but only very rarely need to show aggression to do this. They are very confident in their body language and are rarely challenged when they act dominant by eating first, getting the best sleeping spot, control games and toys and initiate and control touch. Usually, from my observation in my own dog pack of 8 dogs, different dogs take on a dominant role depending on the situation. One controls the food, one controls the best sleeping spot, one controls the games, one controls the premises by barking at intruders, one controls access to me for petting etc.
Dominance is something that I don't see as static but fluctuating.
Of course animals, both dogs and horses, know perfectly well that we are a different species. Therefore it makes a lot of sense to ask if we should try to act as if we are horses when dealing with horses. I would say in many cases the answer is no. It is only at the beginning, when we are just starting to establish communication when we need to speak a language that is easily understood by them instinctively until we have taught them more of our language. We have many ways to communicate with horses that are much kinder than the way horses deal with each other sometimes.
This all probably belongs in a different topic or in my diary but some of it also was a direct response to Josepha, so I wasn't sure where to put it. Maybe it would be good to move in a couple of days if there is more discussion on this?