I need to write down some thoughts again because they are spinning around in my mind for weeks. However, I do not know what this text will be about, so I am just going to start somewhere and see what I will find in the end
I am now at a point in my life where I have to make the first real important decision on my own. I looked forward to this time for many years and imagined what I would decide, what I would do and where this would lead me, but now that I am here...Honestly, I would like to take a step back and take some more time to think it through again. I know that this would lead me nowhere because the problem is not that I do not know what I want to do or where the next step should lead me. The problem is that there are to many options. Luckily only options I like but this does not make it easier to choose one of them. And then every option has its advantages and disadvantages. With every option there arise new difficulties, new unanswered questions.
What I am trying to do is to enjoy this time and to be aware the fact that I am fortunate that I can decide and that there are so many great options. I try not to forget this while I am trying to find out what is the best way to choose.
When I remember how I got some of the best things in my life, then I have to admit that they aren't a result of elaborated plans, well-thought-out decisions, great passion, hard work and high aims. Instead, they just happened to me. Often I only wished with all my heart that something would happen, and even if I did not really believe it would happen, it did anyway. And I remember that many many plans I made did not work for me. I lost interest before I could achieve my goals and it turned out that my „dreams“ were not as important as I thought before.
But still I think it is important not only to sit down and wait for things to happen but to become an active aspekt of my life. Now that I know that elaborated plans to not work for me (even though I love to make plans, I think because it keeps me away from really doing anything) and now that I know (or believe) that wishing can help a lot, I'm searching for the thing between only planning and only wishing. And now that I am writing this down, I think that a combination of planning, wishing and doing could work for me. The planning part should not be to big because then I keep myself busy with making new and better plans all the time. The wishing part can be as big as it wants to be as long as I can still enjoy the things I already have. The doing part has to become much bigger so that I keep myself busy with things I love to do.
Another thing that makes it a bit difficult to make a decision is that my interest can switch so easily. For the last year I was very interested in interaction between humans and I was confronted with conflicts every now and then, what made it more fascinating. I could not stop reading in our forum and thought about horse-human interaction all the time. And I spend much time making plans for the time after school.
This year I stopped making detailed plans but am still very busy with thinking all the options through. I am not confronted with many conflicts anymore. Instead of horse-human interaction, I am now very interested in hoof trimming and horse keeping.
I am sure that my interest will switch again, it is just a matter of time. For me it is very easy to learn a lot about what I am interested in at this time but I haven't found a way yet to draw my interest on what I need to learn. For example I tinker with the idea of becoming a professional hoof trimmer. To do this would be very easy right now. But my interest could be on something else when I am able to start an education and this would make it difficult to spend my time learning how to trim hoofes.
Now I wonder if I can lose the interest into something that I deeply enjoy to learn about... I don't really think so. It's rather that another topic becomes more important for a time and then another and another...
As long as it is only about my leisure time, I can „go with the flow“ but soon I will need to do something for a living and then I need to decide what I am going to do for a longer period of time.
How did you made this decision? Are you happy about how you spend your time and why (not)?
Hugs and sunny days to all of you,