Romy, thank you so much for your detailed answer! It helps me a lot
First, there are some general things, like being solution-oriented instead of focusing on problems, and adopting a positive, benevolent attitude towards others.
These things I am also learning from horses, and I say "learning" because I think that I have just an idea which kind of person I could be and how I could behave but at this time I still sometimes behave the other way around, correcting "wrong" actions of a horse, having a negative attitude towards others. The interesting thing is, that this is also something I learned in the context of horses - but I learned it from humans.
The most important thing horses taught me is to even think about my interaction with others because with them, no matter what I did, if it was riding or groundwork, the focus was always on communication and understanding of each other. The goal was to tell them what I want in a way they can understand. Within time this changed into the goal to understand the horse, what the horse wants to tell me because I never really felt happy just because the horse did what I wanted.
What was a bit like an epiphany to me was to understand that I don't have to change or to "train" others and that I'm not even able to do this because it will never satisfy me. Instead I can use my own behavior and change it, so that the behavior of the other person automatically changes too. Formerly I told the horses "I want you to be like this." or "I want you to do that." and very important: "Don't do that!". Now I am trying more and more not to "speak" about the horse I'm communicating with but instead I am trying to make suggestions e.g. "I would like to go there, do you want to come with me?" and "That looks interesting, should we explore it?". And I also listen to these suggestions from the horse.
There was one very memorable evening I spent with the old mare I took care of for three years - Fa-Iba. It was dark and cold and I was just finished with grooming her. I put the rope around her neck as I used to do because she never seemed curious enough to go away from me.
At this time I had worked with clicker training with her for about one year but we didn't make much progress. Instead she just did what I had in mind, rarely ever making any own suggestions. That made me sad because she didn't look happy when we spent time together and I did not knew how to find out what she liked.
But that evening she suddenly made one step away from me. And another step. I rewarded her and waited again. She went towards a tractor. With my body language I asked her to stop. Immediately she did it, looked at me with a calm and pleased expression. She got a treat and then she went on. Together we walked around the yard, visiting the other horses, searching for some hay, exploring the machines. All the time she was in front of me, I just followed her. The connection we had was strong. I could whisper her name or invite her to come a step into my direction or ask her to stop - she would do it. It was the first time I really listened to a horse, the first time that I really understood what Fa-Iba wanted to do. It felt wonderful, this horse that always did what humans expected, walking with me, being brave enough to do what she wanted too.
To everybody else it must have looked boring, but of all the moments we shared this is the one I remember most.
Fa-Iba taught me that it feels great if both partners enjoy the interaction and feel free to do what they want to do but at the same time being aware of the limits of each other e.g. that I needed to know that she would listen to me so that I could feel save while setting her free. Because of her the desire to have others enjoy the interaction with me appeared. And so did the desire to make the horses and especially Fa-Iba blithely.
From her I learned that sometimes changes really take their time and that I should give others and myself too the time to overcome old habits and to develop new trust, courage or another attitude or what ever it is that we need. We won't get there faster with impatience.
But there were many more horses in my life from which I learned useful lesson.
Ramira was a big brown mare in the riding school. All the other horses could be controlled with psychological force. The horses were never beaten but the pupils learned to use emotional pressure to make the horses do what the rider wants. But Ramira was a lady - it never worked with her. You could sit on her back, screaming at her, being angry - a procedure that worked with all the other horses. She would just plant her feet firmly on the ground and if you annoyed her to much she would bite your leg.
What did she wanted the riders to do? She wanted them to be friendly. You could easily say "Come on Ramira, lets go!" with a motivating and alacritous voice, smile while you are saying it and being appreciative that such a great horse carries you. She would do whatever you ask her for.
Ramira showed me how easy it is to let others feel that I respect them and that it motivates others when I am motivated.
I think I could go on writing like this for the whole night, but maybe I should rather stop here and finish it another day when I'm less tired, if you are interested in hearing more