Willowsong..exactly. I feel the same way about the intuition. I have yet to be able to be in that mental state. I feel like my horse and I have been oppressed way to much in the world of sport.
You are then feeling like it's possible horses feel with humans?
I'm quickly reseeding from that world but I just don't know where to go.
Some times it feels like you are in a vacuum, out in space and nowhere to put your feet to stand. That is shared by others who leave the orthodox, the common path that others have laid out and present as "The Path." It is uncommon for one as young as you to notice it without trying to find a replacement, and instead seek to build a world of your own.
You will not find many answers here. But you will find questions like your own. That is often the answer to such questions as you have - to seek more questions.
Things aren't clicking with conventional training or horse trainers anymore. My lessons are aggravating. It's at the point where my lessons(which I'm forced to do at the moment) are a game for me and my horse to get out of doing what the instructor says...
Well said, and a vivid description.
I must caution you that work is important though - but then there is something more important. Play!
The trainer is all about getting my horse to go into a pretty frame and "making him listen", "don't let him goof off", and "his head can't be above the vertical". I just can't take it any more.
Oh, then, you already know that play is more important.
What would happen if you considered what is being asked of you as a path of work to reach the playground?
What you said really made me understand more, thank you! I have all of KFH books. For me though, I don't know if I want to read them. When I try to follow things, I usually get steered off on a different path.
They are only other paths being offered for examination. Keep exploring what you know, and what you learn. I think Klaus would agree that the teacher does not so much teach as reveal. The student is the learner.
Everyone wants to reach an end, a goal, and it's so hard for me to not be pulled into that.
Tempting isn't it? The temptation is there for us all. Examine without participating for a time - a good long time, as some things are so immediately addictive as to be dangerous.
Take long critical looks. Consider reading a little bit on logic, critical thinking, and philosophy. They are not nearly so dry and boring as one might think, until discovering what they offer for tools to judge what others tempt you with.
I think I have to read them with a different mindset: no goals, no expectations.
Ah, then, I wasted my words - you already know. I should have known you knew. LOL
Every time I follow my own path, there is a conflict.
People want to control and want followers. Doesn't mean you have to follow.
People don't support it. I'm only 15 and no one trusts me.
"ONLY 15" that's equivalent to a doctorate in living skills. The first thing others do to gain control over someone is convince them they don't know something vital - but the controller knows and will tend to and guide them if only they will OBEY!
Funny isn't it? A cosmic joke, because true teachers don't teach. They point, they reveal, they open doors - more important - they accept what the student learns as the belonging to the student.
Everyone thinks I need to follow a certain trainer, every word they say. I just can't do that but I don't trust myself to do it on my own.
I had a mentor many years ago. A kind of rough around the edges sort, with more grace than one might think once they saw him with horses.
He'd stick me, a 13 and 14 year old, on 17 hand thoroughbreds, just babies themselves, and send me out to the training track mounted on a postage stamp saddle to gallop them - horses worth up to hundreds of thousands of dollars, and the property of famous people, powerful people.
I was terrified that I'd "do it wrong," and the last thing he'd say to me, as he tapped the colt on the butt, was, "what are you afraid of, the worst that can happen is that he'll kill you."
That would start me laughing and sure enough I would ride my own ride. So far none of them killed me.
I'll let you in on the power you have, as I see it.
Why to parents buy horses for their daughters?
As long as you stick with your horse as your major extracurricular activity you have THEM over a barrel. They are very unlikely to take your horse away if you start doing it your way.
You already know that and have been shining your instructor on very nicely - just don't feel guilty for doing so.
Don't bother to try and get them to "see it your way." Not going to happen. The trick is to learn to accept, without guilt, they aren't going to agree with you.
After all, what's the worst that can happen?
Donald, Altea, and Bonnie Cupcake