So my internet was down for a few days and I missed this ...
But here's my way of getting through these "control issues".
In my case, I try to "control" the horses because their sheer size and strength is intimidating.
The 1st step for me was to realise that I CAN NOT EVER truly control a creature that can squish me without noticing I was even there in the first place.
It is not possible for me to compel a creature that is 10 times my size and 20 times my strength and speed. So if it is not possible then what?
OK, that leaves friendship and co-operation.
So, if I want my friend to do something for me I will ask. Nicely. If necessary I will "bargain" with them. I will get down in the dirt and grovel.
I can shamelessly nag them into doing what I want. I can "guilt-trip" them. I can get angry. I can have tantrums. I can do all sorts of different things to "make" my friend do what I want.
HOWEVER, if I am selfish I will not have that friend for long. So everything is a two-way street. I need to give in the relationship and then I will get in the relationship. If I have been "true" to myself and my friend then all my transgressions will be forgiven just as I will overlook all their faults.
Often when I want something from my horse and he doesn't want to give it, I ask myself "Why is it so important to get this now? If he was "my" human or dog or cat or wild elephant would I be behaving the same way?" I find that those answers focus my intention in a way that makes it possible for my horse to understand the purpose of what I want. I have found that if my "purpose" is "true" my horse/s will agree.
One of my boys is a BADLY abused little chap that could not even tolerate a human approaching him when I first got him. If he had a halter or any sort of "human-made" device on him he would do everything he was asked, but as soon as he was free no-one could get near him. So the first thing I taught him was that I would give him a treat for approaching me and allowing me to stroke his shoulder. Now? I spend a lot of my time asking him to go away and let me talk to another horse.
I must say, though, that it took nearly 3 months for me to be able to approach him anywhere other than in his stall and not have him appear afraid or aggressive.