Oh, I agree with Karen -- I think that's a great statement.
When I think about my own approach, I'm very much thinking about it as being friends. But -- underneath that, I do a lot of the driving towards what we might do together, at least so far.
I think it's a complicated dance (for me at least) all the time -- and even in the course of one session, I might at one moment be very clear about being the leader of the pack and at another, be content to follow along with what they might want to do.
This is where the equality comes from, I think -- allowing this ebb and flow of ideas and energies and activities to go as much like breathing as we can.
There's a movement in the US (in human circles) called "service leadership" or "servant leadership"-- here's a quote from a website about it that I love:
Quote:
American newspaper commentator Walter Lippmann defined leaders as "the custodians of a nation's ideals, the beliefs it cherishes, of its permanent hopes, of the faith which makes a nation out of a mere aggregation of individuals."
(From:
http://www.leadershipnow.com/service.html)
I see myself as the custodian of our ideals, our cherished beliefs, our hopes -- and see myself as taking an active role in building ourselves into a herd. It is my responsibility, as I see it, to protect and nurture all of those things in each of us -- and that is the heart of my leadership.
Sometimes this comes out in very practical ways, certainly!
I think one springs from the other, too -- leadership springs from friendship and friendship springs from leadership. For example, I was for a while trying to assert a leadership role that was ultimately a dominant one with Circe. This wasn't working! So I let her be the leader for a little while, and that strengthened our friendship. But what I was most amazed by was that she then was much more comfortable with the idea of me being a leader -- she didn't want to be all the time, and had been, I think grabbing the proverbial reins because I hadn't shown her what she saw as good leadership skills. Does that make sense?
I think that we often confuse leadership and control -- I think they are two very, very different ideas, processes, and energies.
I think, however, that leadership and friendship can and often do go hand in hand -- and can be fluid, sometimes in the tiny decisions we're making moment by moment (do we stand here and graze or do I ask us to move onwards, do I step out of Stardust's way or ask him to step out of mine, do I ask again for an exercise that he's not understanding or not wanting to do or wait for him to decide what he would like to do instead, etc. etc.). If I'm really being a leader, I'm constantly assessing what's best for all of us, to the best of my knowledge and understanding. And I'm asking if I actually know the answer to that question -- one of the things I've learned is the "mother doesn't always know best!"
Sometimes the best way for me to lead is simply to get out of their way -- physically, emotionally, intellectually.
One of the best images that captures what we're working towards for me is of two dance partners. Sometimes, when you're dancing with someone, there is someone who is "leading" the dance -- but, when it's really working, no one is leading and everyone is leading at the same time. It becomes an incredibly intuitive process where the control moment by moment is shifting all the time, and breath and movement and energy is being shared in such a way that if you were to stop and ask each other afterwards, you couldn't tell for sure who was calling the shots at any given moment.
When I was in college, I had the gift of a very dear friend and dance partner, and we would spend hours in the dance studio improvising like this -- it is a truly magical process when it happens, as you're simultaneously very aware of what you're doing/thinking and what the other person is doing/thinking.
I've had the same thing happen sometimes when making music, or making up poetry with people -- there is this "third place" of energy that happens -- jazz musicians talk about it as finding "the groove" where you're operating on a level that is both conscious and subconscious and you key into what everyone else is doing in such a way that it just flows.
Finding this is my hope with my horses. We have had tiny little flashes of it so far, but it's my cherished goal...